Newsflash: Saddam & Osama Adopted a Shaved Ape Baby

I, being the terrific packrat, save stuff. Important stuff! I was cleaning out my file cabinet and came across this November 2003 Weekly World News issue:
I know everybody scoffs at the Enquirer and the Star, but you have to admit that you read the headlines while standing in line at the grocery store (unless you are a cannibal that feasts on your neighbors and doesn’t have to buy groceries, story on page 23).

This is where I get most of my news. My Grandmother, Mable Holderness used to actually subscribe to these while I was growing up. There is a little slice of mid-west heaven for you. Reading material for the 8 year old!

These news rags fascinate me. Really - they are just pre-historic blogs. Someday our ancestors will find copies of these and treat them like cave drawings.

When my Grandmother was in the nursing home, I would send her monthly packages. They always contained one or two of the news rags. Obviously, I couldn’t part with this one and I will always wonder if my Grandmother was somehow deprived not knowing about Saddam & Osama and their shaved chimp. Who, incidentally, the ecstatic newlyweds named Robert.

Apparently, friction mounted as spurned pets took out frustration on the new arrival. The goat and camel were suffering sibling rivalry, at the time of printing. The goat was caught shredding several of Robert’s diapers and the camel was behaving very strangely.

I will have to research this to find out if more family portraits have been taken now. Although, according to CIA sources, the doting couple and their “boy” almost certainly have left the country.

It was unclear if Osama & Saddam knew the baby was a shaved ape, or if they were led to believe it was human.

Hopefully the two lovebirds have not taken the animals’ side and abandoned little Robert out in the desert somewhere.

1 comment:

Margerie said...

Newsflash: Hayley is hilarious!

I just love your style girl!

What else do you have at your house? Has the comet arrived yet?