Peace on earth, good will toward men. NOT.

I love charity functions. I love the silent auctions at charity functions. I love the entertainment at charity functions.

I am going to tell you what I don’t love about charity functions.

Yesterday I went to a fantastic luncheon fashion show. The food was great. The entertainment was great. The silent auction items were great.

Several businesses donated lots of items for the silent auction, and all proceeds go to the charity. The way it works is you walk around and write down your name and a monetary bid for the item. Each item is clearly marked and has a separate bid sheet. The person with the highest bid wins the item. They had the tables set up by category: jewelry, baby items, spa packages, food gift baskets and clothing.

And then I saw the perfect pair of jeans. The all new craze of Tummy Tuck Jeans. Supposedly you put these puppies on and your tummy is flat again. Somebody donated 3 pairs (these things cost $100+ bucks a pair). What??? Nobody has bid on them yet? What are they waiting for, I wondered aloud. And that’s when I saw it. Those asshats donated 3 pairs of “tummy tuck” jeans in 3 different sizes: a size 2, a size 4 and a size 6.

Do you see where I am going with this?

When was the last time you saw somebody wearing a size 2 pair of pants? First of all, they should probably be eating donuts, because that is just too skinny. And secondly, you probably didn’t think to yourself, well, she would be hot if she didn’t have that tummy sticking over the waist band of her jeans.

What asshole thought that they were doing a good thing by donating something for somebody who doesn’t exist?

Nice peace on earth and good will toward men.

That’s a great way to get your ass kicked, shitbag.