Wear your green proud!
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, in late January, two silly friends (who refused to grow up) lived. We will call them Dixie and Trixie.
One day, while they were at the dog park, they noticed a poodle running around, pretending like it was a real dog, as poodles will do; but with one exception: the poodle had a mohawk that had been dyed blue. Dixie was completely in awe. Trixie was a bit disgusted, but had to admit that it was pretty funny. Dixie began to talk to the owner (a punk ass goth chick, who also had her hair dyed blue, and one of those nose rings - not just a little diamond stud in the nostril, mind you, but a barbell that spanned the lower part of both nostrils - like a bull).
The next day came and went. As did the next day. Then Dixie showed up at Trixie’s house with a brown paper bag and an evil grin. She walked in and announced that they were going to dye their hair too. Trixie protested, and Dixie smiled and said, "Not the hair on you head, silly!"
So, off they went into the bathroom, where they dyed their pubic hair pink. Of course, being that Dixie did her research and made a point to talk to the punk ass goth chick, she knew that first you had to bleach the hair (remove the color) before you could put the color on it or it wouldn't work. Forty five minutes later, Dixie and Trixie came out of the bathroom smiling with little twinkles in their eyes, because of the little twinkle in their pants. And just in time for Valentine's Day!
Dixie and Trixie loved their little secret, except they could not keep it secret. Every chance they got, they dropped their drawers (in unison) to show people what they had done. This was made easier by Lucky Jeans, whose tag line behind every zipper is “Lucky You”. The jeans are already a good conversation starter, which then leads to a great discussion about colored pubic hair.
Dixie and Trixie had so much fun with their little “skit”; they decided to do a different color for each month, depending on the corresponding holiday.
Even in this far away land, the calendar still remained the same, and after February and Valentine’s Day came March and St. Patrick’s Day.
Since March was a rainy month down near the coast, it was a snowy month in the mountains. This is one thing Trixie never could resist - snow and winter activities. Off she went to visit her friend Pixie and Pixie’s three year old son, Gordon in another land far, far away.
One day, after Trixie participated in her favorite, but cold, activity she was at Pixie’s home taking a shower to try to warm up. After she had used up most of the hot water in the log cabin, she plucked a towel off the rack and began vigorously drying herself off.
Gordon (he’s three, remember) entered the bathroom, and stopped dead in his tracks.
Trixie, who did not want to discourage him from seeing other people naked, just continued to towel dry her hair.
Gordon said, “WOW. Auntie Trixie. You got a green pee-pee.”
Trixie had completely forgotten all about this for the moment and brought the towel back down in front of her, and said, “Well, yes, Gordon. Yes, I do.”
Gordon seemed to be satisfied with the answer and left, closing the door behind him.
Trixie started to laugh. In fact, she laughed so hard she had to sit down. She knew that she was going to have to tell Pixie about the incident, as it could cause some serious questions later.
After she got dressed, she told Pixie what had happened. About that time, Gordon came out of his room, and asked Pixie, “Mommy, what color is YOUR peepee?”
Trying very hard not to roll over into hysterics, Pixie, as calmly as she could, replied that it was red (Pixie being a redhead and all.)
Three year olds will be three year olds, and Gordon took it upon himself to ask everybody in his preschool what color their peepee was, which then prompted Pixie to have to tell the story of Trixie and her wild ways to all of Gordon’s teachers.
To this day, I am sure that Gordon will continue to try to find his perfect woman---she will be the one with the green peepee.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Wear your green proud!
Panic buy carrots on May 15 & dye your pubes orange for the May!