Todays improg word is FAIR.

When I first saw it, I was perplexed - because it really does conjure up different things. Margerie used hers and it is very funny - be sure to check her improg out, of course, after you read mine :-) And visit the improgging site to participate or read others interpretations of todays improg word!

I was going to do some sort of rhyme with hair and fair and bare and scare, but that is just stupid (unless you are going to improg it that way, then it isn’t stupid).

It isn’t fair that I got cancer.
It isn’t fair that I lost my hair with the chemo.
It isn’t fair that I gained weight with the chemo.
Okay, I'm over it, I'll quit whining. Thanks for listening!

But you want to know what really, really isn’t FAIR????

What is not fair is that I am in fullblown menopause at age 41. And no, I can’t take hormones for it (my cancer was estrogen positive).

Remember those rolling brownouts that we were having last summer? I’m pretty sure it was my fault. My hotflashes make me miserable!

Then there’s the flabby arms I’m trying to hide. It isn’t fair that I can’t wear long sleeve shirts all the time, because of the hotflashes.

What about the mood swings? Aren’t those great? I guess it depends on what side of the mood you are on. My poor BHF.

So, you have a hot sweaty 41 year old bitch with flabby arms in a tank top who is also really nice sometimes. And crying. ANd has to pee, again. Is that sexy or what?

I can take natural stuff. And if I wanted, I could take anti-depressants. If you know me, you know I am one of the least depressed people you know, so that is another thing that is just stupid.

I would eat dog poo if I thought it would help me. Of course, I would insist that it be fried first!

And where is Dr. Pierce when you need him? I have this bottle that I got at an estate sale - it’s his F.P. Favorite Prescription.

DIRECTIONS: Take 2 teaspoonfuls with water 4 times a day after meals and at bedtime.

(For some crazy reason, all I can think of is Lucille Ball and vitametavegamin.)

On the side of the box, it says:

WOMEN having the symptoms often associated with CHANGE OF LIFE, “FEMALE NERVES” AND PERIODIC MENSTRUAL PAIN have for years found this medicine of great value when taken regularly and as directed. It has a gentle stomachic conic effect. It was originally developed in his practice by Dr. R. V. Pierce.

I googled him. He was born in 1840. He went to The Eclectic Medical College of Cincinnati. The bottle that I have was from January 1949. The guy may have been a genius in marketing, but what he was missing was that the change of life women don’t have periods! And he didn’t put any alcohol in it. Two strikes.

Anyway, you can bet that if it was still on the shelves, I would buy it and try it. As would all the other women who are complaining about menopause!

It’s too bad it isn’t around anymore. It’s just not fair!


Margerie said...

ooohh baby. How is it his favorite prescription if he has never taken it? Probably at one time it was known as Fucking Pause and it sold like hot cakes.

I am also a Menosister. I am lucky enough not to have hotflashes- which is convenient during the course of the day. But I am cursed with fierce insomnia- and a bit of the flabby arms- fly, fly away!

I think I am One Mood Most of the Time, but my chemo brain plays tricks on me and I CRS.

Of course it is not fair Hayley!!

Love ya Hot Woman!

Alice said...

Not to make light of your situation, but if I got cancer and then GAINED weight with chemo, I'd be super pissed. Gah!

Checking out the 'improg' thing!

Susan said...

I can't wait for menopause. I'd trade what I go through now for hot flashes any day. I may change my tune, though, once it actually starts because I can't take hormones either. But by then you'll have all sorts of advice for me, right?

I wonder what a general stomachic conic effect is?